OOP's sister gets pregnant, then expects OOP to house her and her boyfriend.

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The original was posted on /r/bestofredditorupdates by /u/ChromeXBoy on 2024-10-17 16:23:44+00:00.

I am NOT the OOP. OOP is u/lianae68.

trigger warnings: teen pregnancy and disownment

Original post: August 27, 2019

My family and I grew up very poor. From when I was old enough to legally work, I (19F) have had to take on multiple jobs while balancing school to help with my family and my younger sister. Growing up, I never had a lot and whatever money I earned I would spend on my sister (16F) and family. When I was 18 and had just been accepted into college, my dad's business that he'd worked on for the past couple of years finally took off. This also meant that my sister could now have a normal high school experience without worrying about money.

While I was in college, I wasn't in contact with my sister that much since I was so busy with schoolwork. However, from our calls and her social media, I could tell she had changed completely and was involved with some bad people. She would post videos on her snapchat of her getting drunk, smoking weed, juuling, driving while most likely drunk/high, etc. I tried reaching out to her, but she would mostly deny the claims and told me to mind my own business. At some point, she justified her actions using the argument, "This is what the cool kids do now, not everyone was a nerd like you in high school." One of my high school friends who also has a brother in the same grade reach out to me and said that she heard that my sister was seeing a sketchy guy from another school. Apparently he sells drugs and was expelled from my sister's high school. I asked my sister about this and she denied it.

Last week I got a phone call from my mom who was sobbing. She tells me that my sister is pregnant. I was so shocked that I could not speak. Then I was angry. When I was her age and even younger, I gave her everything and so did my parents so she could have all the opportunities her peers had. Since my dad's business became lucrative, they've given her every opportunity to succeed (any extracurricular/sport she wants, academic tutoring, school activities, etc.). I never got any of those things. It angered me so much that she took all of this for granted and fucked up her life. The father? Her delinquent "boyfriend" who got expelled and sells drugs.

She blows up my phone but I don't respond. She then sends me a series of long text messages asking if she can crash at my place. She also asked me if I could make her an appointment to see a doctor. Lastly, she asked if it would be okay if her boyfriend comes and stays over sometimes. I shut her down. I told her that you dug this hole for yourself. If you allowed yourself to become pregnant, then you should be able to deal with the consequences. Also, I’m currently sharing a small apartment with two roommates! She begged some more and I denied her. In the past few days, she's still be texting me and calling me non-stop saying that she has nowhere to go and has been living in her boyfriend's car. I haven't responded to a single message of hers, but I feel my resolve wavering a bit. I fully don't support her, but maybe I'm being an asshole?

EDIT: To clarify, I would still NEVER house her in my apartment. That would be extremely disrespectful towards my roommates and would get me kicked out due to the lease agreement. I meant I was considering giving in and sending her some money.

EDIT 2: My parents have DISOWNED her, not kicked her out. They are refusing to acknowledge that she is their daughter, but she is still welcome to live in their house. She chose not to since my parents are absolutely fuming and probably will yell at her and criticize her, which she honestly needs.

Relevant Comments

Johciee I have a feeling if you gave in, you’d just be taken advantage of by your sister and her deadbeat bf. NTA. If she is old enough to be a mommy, she needs to learn to care for herself and grow up.

You also have to consider your roommates. Im sure they’d love to have two more (and eventually three) people living there.

OOP Absolutely. I would never put this on my roommates. To clarify, I meant my resolve was wavering in that I might end up sending her some money, not offering to house her. That's still an absolute fucking no.

marlonfishie NTA- she still has an option for a roof over her head and she chooses to stick it out with her loser boyfriend in his car? But your parents should not disown their daughter for this it will only push her closer to her loser boyfriend. You should also be there for her as emotional support. Dont let her stay with you if you get in trouble with roommates/landlord but let her know it will be okay. She made a mistake be an example and someone she can lean on.

OOP Yes, absolutely. I've sent her a ton of advice including links, forums, general information. She has chosen to ignore that advice and instead continue to ask me to live at my place. Not sure what I'll do, but I don't think I'm going to get more involved than that. Like you said, she has somewhere to go back to. She's just choosing not too because she can't take the criticism.

Verdict was NOT the Asshole

Update post 2: September 13, 2019 (17 days later)

It's been a little bit more than two weeks since my first post and I guess it's safe to say now that the situation has been resolved in probably the best way possible!!

In my last post, I stated that my sister was still living in the car of her delinquent boyfriend who sells drugs and refusing to come home because my parents had disowned her. At this point, I would like to clarify that my family and I are Chinese and it is common in Chinese culture to "disown" your kids when they do something that largely disappoints or embarrasses you. However, this is not a permanent disownment like many of you have brought up; as long as my sister apologizes sincerely and they can see that she is actively trying to fix her mistake and become better, they will take her back as their daughter. (Another clarification would be for those people who assumed that my dad kept us poor since he was stubborn and wanted to work on his business and not get a real job. His business was a passion project on the side. My dad was working 50 hours a week at two jobs.)

Alrighty, onto what ultimately happened with my sister. Despite the chain of advice I sent her, she ignored me still. I regularly checked in with her over the next week to see how she was and she gave me one word replies until they ultimately stopped. I was growing concerned after she didn't pick up her cell, but then I received a call from my parents!!! According to my mom, my sister had returned home crying and begging for forgiveness. She had a serious talk with my parents where she apologized for her behavior and promised to make amends. My mom was very tearful as well. They scheduled a doctor's appointment for her immediately and I believe she went in the next day.

I had no idea what made her finally break and return home so I texted her (first, I told her I was proud of her for taking action and being mature) and asked if anything happened between her and her boyfriend. At first she was pretty stubborn and kept insisting that she was just over living in a car, but after a while she finally admitted that her boyfriend had requested that she start selling for him if she wanted to keep living in his car and eating his food that he was sneaking her. LMAO. What a fucking asshole. Glad my sister finally returned to her senses. She told me she broke it off with him and I sincerely hope that's the truth.

This past Monday, she got the pills to successfully terminate her pregnancy. According to my mom, she was begging that they do is ASAP, which was really a breath of relief for all of us because we were worried she might want to keep it.

The future seems pretty bright right now for her. My parents decided to pull her out of the public school and send her to a progressive private school that some of my close friends also went to (it's a fantastic school and I think it'd be great for her). She's officially starting next Monday. I'm going to visit her and my family this weekend and see how she's doing. :)

EDIT: Forgot to add that the new school also has a wonderful counseling department. I urged my parents to speak to the head psychologist there and they did and she will be having mandatory weekly meetings with her and another therapist at the school. :)

Reminder: I am NOT the OOP.